This is me, I am a vessel carrying this inner consciousness, an energy. The person I am is a mixture of brain chemistry, my persona and my interaction with others in my developmental stages… But I sense something other then myself, this dark void, threatening to consume me. It attacks me within the night, suffocating me. I have been told that in my sleep I frantically kick and scream, and if restrained, I softly cry.
It has always been there, before I was brought into the physical, we were twins, connected, but something polluted him. He attacks me, perverting my actions in a way of hate, but somehow the inner source of this, is love. I remember when we were swimming through the void in copulating violence, he wanted to control me, make me his. He was overbearing, my being was almost about to succumb, I couldn’t contain myself any longer. So as a last resort I slipped through the void, into a foreign body, the people around me were alien, throughout my childhood I was always different. There were connections around me I had to withdraw from the outstretched links, it was my instinct to survive.
And of course he was still there, within this vessel he could not penetrate, although he could not get inside me, he could still move me, mould me. And oh, he did try, I used to feel him come into my dreams, he would drain me, restrain parts of myself, it feels like I am not quite whole.
The battle still carries on, it will never end, he is part of me, polluted, and our contact is neither copulation or aggression, it is manipulation. He is my lover and my sworn deranged enemy all in one.